@SurlyAmy: I just got Chicago pizza delivered to my door. We live in a magical wonderland, my friends.

@FOX29philly: Happy National #CheesesteakDay! How do you like your cheesesteak?
#PhillyCheesesteak

@ChrisFox29 Yum, my first time! #pastrami with @cotterrecords

@ Katz’s Delicatessen - @katzsdeli in New York, NY) New Orleans Oysters!!!! Holy crap the best ever!! #Oysters https://instagram.com

I arrived in Bozeman for my year abroad; my fingers were in spasm hovering over the button-navel of my iPhone. I sweated. The umbilical cord between me and the internet world was about to be broken. Out of airport arrivals I rushed, stormed into town, and demanded to be shown a dish that would define Montana and look #beautiful to my friends back home in England. America is a magical wonderland where cheesesteaks have their day, pastrami virginities are lost, and oysters deserve Instagram. What food would fill my newsfeed as I ignore friends and filter the fudge out of my… my whatever Montana gave me?

What did Montana and the West give me? #hashbrowns just wouldn’t get enough likes, #meatandpotatoes could be better, #huckleberries... but where do I get my pie from?

Twitter feeds hungered for that definitive photo of an idealized American dish.
Instead of a cliché, I found no-nonsense breakfast cafés, come as you are evening eateries, and a depth of cuisines. Since there is no photo of the atmosphere which defines western food, my phone has been on silent.
Cuisine – food cooked in a certain way.

Yes my cyberspace ego wants what fills my plate to be cooked in a certain, no, cooked in a photographic  # way.

Sitting at a table in the Western Café, I get taken away by the cinnamon roll French toast, bacon and egg combination. Being settled in an eatery which has been in Bozeman ‘for the better part of a century’ and hosts the folks who are friendly and loud – I forget about my phone and relax into that great American breakfast zone.

The same sense of ease is carried across the street at the Nova Café where they boast that ‘You’ll want to lick our skillets’. My social media peers probably don’t even know what a skillet is, so I keep the status update clear. The specials stand out along the black board lines where Yellowstone Grassed Beef can be usually found. Shredded on eggs benedict with that hollandaise sauce, the taste of Montana begins to call.

Further out of town by the livestock auction house lays the Stockyard Café. The weekend buzz of the place and that old old stove bring you the West in a cabin. Huevos rancheros and some added hot sauce keep you smiling inside and happily warm. The shoulder of your counter top neighbor keeps the Instagram at bay and thank god for that, photos won’t make the feeling stay.

Where is my boxed up snapchat shot going to come from, I thought? How can I tell someone I’m here from just my food photos? Maybe later in the day the single dish will hold sway.

Ready, with index finger held still over my camera button, I enter into the Blackbird Kitchen. Italian cuisine can be very picturesque, but the architecture, wine and flavour pass the test. Walk ins always welcome and a local list of suppliers at the foot of the menu – what more could be western. The pizzas are posh so they would look down on being confined to twitter. It’s much more satisfying to keep your head in the trough.

Bar 3 BBQ, with its elder brother in Belgrade, gets my fingers sticky with southern styled burnt ends. The effortlessly casual dining experience is made so good by the decent bottled beers. Not a good choice for vegetarians but it does have the best selection of meats. At the end of my ends I don’t even want to reach for my phone, because I’m laughing too much on the bench with my friend.

Finally I stumble into Taco Montes late at night, for my fill of greasy goods. The Mexican style with a twist, so many original taco choices one has to pick and mix. Soft shell is the standard way and homemade chips do great things for the short wait.

By this point I’m too tired to try and look for what Bozeman has given me. The magical wonderland where cheesesteaks have their day, pastrami virginities are lost and oysters deserve Instagram is not here.

The western cuisine cannot be caught in a # net.    

Ben Humphris looks to twitter to find Bozeman’s best food. Luckily, he is unsuccessful.