The time has come; I can put it off no longer. I feel culturally obligated to share the following recipe with you. It is called Junk Pile and, you guessed it – I got it from the same dear auntie who brought us Scroutch. Never in my life have I come across such a concoction, and I rather hope you haven’t, either. No, this is not the same as “Garbage Plate Recipe,” an entrée involving French fries, macaroni salad, grilled cheeseburgers, ketchup, day-old bread, and two different kinds of hot sauce. Nor does it resemble “Texas Trash Pie,” a slightly saner recipe for a pie composed of chocolate chips, crushed pretzels, crushed graham crackers, shredded coconut, pecan pieces, and caramel bits. 

I’ve been trying to think of a way to present this diplomatically, because I love my Aunt Mary. I think she loves this recipe. And I love to make fun of this recipe. Auspiciously, I had the recent pleasure of attending a family birthday dinner at which Aunt Mary was present, so I took the opportunity to tell her I was planning to gently deride this recipe in print. Good sport that she is, we may proceed. And as we dive headfirst into Junk Pile, bear in mind that it is actually meant to be a serious recipe. Some may love it. I encourage you to try it. Not all taste buds are created equal. But you can probably tell by now how my taste buds react to this.

To truly appreciate the exquisite hot mess that is Junk Pile, it is necessary to read it in Aunt Mary’s own words.

JUNK PILE
MELT 6 tablespoons butter in a large skillet.
ADD and cook over medium heat until the onion is limp:
1 cup minced onion
1 cup chopped celery
4-5 cloves garlic, minced

COMBINE the dry ingredients and add to the onion mixture,
stirring over low heat till blended
½ cup flour
1 to 2 tablespoons curry powder or to taste
1 teaspoon dry mustard
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
Dash of cayenne pepper

SLOWLY ADD & stir till smooth:
1 ¼  cups strong beef stock (I use a full can of Campbell’s beef broth)
1 cup light cream

ADD and cook 2 minutes:
3 tablespoons catsup

ADD & heat to boiling point:
1 3-pound chicken, stewed, meat cut into bite-size pieces—(I bake 1 full breast)

Let stand 1 hour, then reheat. Note: This curry is best if
made a day ahead and reheated.

Serve over hot buttered rice with any (or, better yet, all)
of the condiments!   

Makes 6 servings

Condiments
What I use: 
Chopped hard boiled eggs 
Chopped onion
Shredded coconut 
Chopped salted peanuts 
Chopped, cooked, crumbled bacon 
Raisins 
Crushed pineapple (I use tidbits) 
Slivered almonds
Fresh strawberries or raspberries!!
Chow mein noodles
Soy sauce

Other suggestions:
Sweet pickle relish
Chutney
Chopped  green pepper
Chopped green or ripe olives
Chopped celery
Orange marmalade
Sauteed banana slices
Avocado

Set out all the condiments and let everyone put whatever over their rice and sauce.


Thoughts? Responses? One friend emailed me back after reading this, suggesting that it was not so much a recipe as it was a manifesto. Another asked why “ketchup” was spelled “catsup” (more on that another time). My mom and my Aunt Nancy displayed a stunted confusion at Aunt Mary’s description of Junk Pile one evening last summer, when she described what she would be making for dinner at the family cabin. My beloved mullet-sporting cousins in Helena, Aunt Mary’s sons, who put both ketchup and syrup over their eggs, hashbrowns, and huckleberry pancakes, probably love this dish. Aunt Mary’s best friend, Mignon (a moniker we’ll unpack another time as well), takes it as seriously as church.

My personal feeling is that if your palate is so bullet-proof that you can combine orange marmalade and sweet pickle relish on what is essentially a very confused chicken curry dish, you have my full admiration (and maybe a skosh of concern). Take a minute and think about the fact that this chicken swims in a sauce made of beef broth, cream, ketchup, and mustard. Then consider that laundry list of possible condiments. I felt peculiar as I pulled coconut, green olives, peanuts, raspberries, chopped bacon, and diced onions out and laid them on the counter, in preparation for topping my Junk Pile. As I plated my personal serving, one of my cats came over to sniff the plate, licked it, and took off with a look of betrayal on her face.

But Whiskers has always been a picky eater. We all enjoy different flavors and combinations, and there may be no accounting for taste. To be fair, some of these condiments do traditionally go together—I have many Asian recipes that call for fruit and nuts, for example, and the soy sauce and chow mein noodles together don’t sound so bad. Maybe it’s not so crazy to put chopped hard-boiled eggs and pineapple tidbits together; who am I to judge? Perhaps in your family, like in mine, what is considered “tasty” is up for debate, and there are compromises to be had. So, go forth, assemble your version of this recipe, and report back. We wouldn’t want Junk Pile to go extinct (or would we?). I hope I’ve done it justice. Love you, Aunty M.