Okay Bozeman. Here is the one you have been anticipating and you finally get it, so read on and enjoy.

We’ve been discussing all the differences that my wife Theresa and I noticed after moving from Wolf Point in northeastern Montana to Bozeman. I promised not to tell you the transition story again, so if you don’t know it by now you are out of luck. Go research some prior articles if you are curious and/or very bored.
The topic today is clothes. Yes, I said clothes, as in “You are wearing that today?” Well, in Bozeman seems like it makes quite a difference.

After getting settled here and finally finding our “sweats” at the bottom of moving box number 438, we decided to join one of the local health club facilities. On our first workout, we suited up in our traditional grey sweats and old T-shirts and headed to the machines. Everyone was friendly and all, smiling, nodding politely, but I suspect might have had some thoughts something like this:
“Look at that old guy in the grey sweat clothes! Must have acquired them at about the same time as the dinosaur extinction!”

Yes, in looking around the floor space, I soon discovered that most others were wearing very cool, tight fitting workout fashions. The guys wore the latest in gym trunks. The gals, as Theresa quickly noticed, were sporting nice “stretchy-type” workout clothes, shiny black or bright colors.

Well, we ditched those old sweats and now appear in “Bozeman appropriate” workout clothing, well at least some of the time; for me just not the latest style, as my “price point” for the clothes only includes items marked, “discontinued/slightly damaged” or “sale bin #2, no refunds, no returns, purchaser beware” etc.

We were also informed by our daughter and son-in-law that it would be a good idea to get some more “modern” clothes now that we are living in Bozeman. Obediently, I went to a store which featured “Bozeman style” clothing items – snug, form-fitting, stretchy material, no GMO, locally sourced and very pricey. I arrived in my usual casual attire of loose fitting, rather faded jeans and a Wolf Point Wolves T-shirt, comfortably washed about 788 times.

The sales person was very helpful and friendly, showing me several selections in my “price point” which were on a rack of “discontinued, no returns.” However, my senses detected a subtle silent thought process going on between the lines, which went something like this:
“This old geezer is sure out of it. Those clothes he’s wearing look like they have been around since 1945! Must have got them at a garage sale! My grandpa would approve though.”

I dutifully purchased some new, form-fitting clothes in my price point, which included none of the items my daughter thought were really cool. Skipped over the bright colored hiking and gym shoes, since green shoes with pink laces is just somewhere I don’t want to go. Still wearing the old standard black and white “tennis shoes.”

Here, in New Town, you need different, new stretch fabric, non-GMO, locally sourced, sustainable fabric for hiking, walking the dog, or just hanging around Main Street to see who is hanging around – Now, I’m sure we once spotted…I’m not telling you, but she had on a fur coat in June and was seen talking with some guy named “Ted.”

I will leave you with one last item, but you must first promise to never ever mention this to our kids or grandkids when they are in town. If they find out, I would be so embarrassed. Okay—here it is—I also purchased a pair of “biker shorts.” Yes, skin tight, Spandex. Bozeman Chamber of Commerce approved biker shorts, black in color. Wore them just once around the neighborhood on my bike and the neighbors smiled and waved. However, deep down, they were probably thinking…

“Jerry’s outfit is really too much! Looks like he missed out on the teenage years and is now trying to “squeeze them in!” He should probably stick with something more his style, like those old grey sweats he wears around the yard, or such…
Next year I will get a pair of brightly colored gym shoes, as they will be on sale. Heard they were going back to the old black and whites, but keep this fashion secret to yourself for now, as I don’t want to cause a run on “discontinued” items.
Seems like we’re “fitn’ in!”